Tuesday, April 11, 2006

People & Their Drinks...

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they wereasked if they could identify a customers personality on what drinks theyordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down toearth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and apain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to beher cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knowswhat she wants
Approach: If she wants you, shell send YOUa drink.

Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for aserious relationship.
Approach: Dont.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy,sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy andsophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than sheis... and youre in.

Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention thealley next to the pub.

Champagne, Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work palsor looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothingto do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider
Hes probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer
Hes poor & unsophisticated or a student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer
Hes old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth sothat he can still get laid

Wine
Hes hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image andhelp him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid

Port
Thinks hes sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky Scotch / Irish / Bourbon
He doesnt give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will getin his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels / Bourbon
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminineactivities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
Hes gay (blatantly).




thanks to Dennis.

2 comments:

Sassan Sanei said...

"Approach: Dont." Bwa ha ha ha haa! Made me laugh.

Just D said...

Wine girl here. Sophisticated & classy.. I like that. ;-)