Friday, May 12, 2006

confessions of a strip club barman



The shift started out fairly uneventfully. About the only amusing thing to happen was when one of the strippers was standing at the bar when she fell over. She was just standing there, not moving or leaning anywhere, and then she just fell to the floor. Ha! It was so funny.

At first I was wondering why the hell she just fell over, then I saw her shoes. Have you ever seen the type of shoes that strippers have to wear? They’re like 19 inches high.


(classy aren't they?)

Anyhow, so it just started to get busy when this guy came in (let’s call him “chef”) and the first thing I notice is the massive jaw muscles on this guy. I’m talking huge! They stuck out the side of his face like bolts on the side of Frankenstein’s neck.

The chef orders a rum and a beer straight up, downs them and orders the same again. I was about to tell him that he should slow down but he must have seen me wide eyed and looking at the empty glasses so he says to me:

“got to try to dull this somehow”

Strange thing to say, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going on here so I start some idle chat to get the whole story.

Turns out I proved my theory true again: drug dealers / underworld people like to boast.

“I won a bet I had with me mates”

I bite. “yeah? What was the bet?”

The bet was between seven other ‘cooks’ to see who could make the most potent batch. With $2000 in cash down each, they met five days ago to share a couple of drinks and sample their best. The last one still up from one hit wins.

Chef was more than awake after five days and had won. Now, wallet fat, eyes bloodshot, wide and strained, teeth ground down to rotting stumps, he stood at my bar trying to drink himself into a slower state.

I gave him his change and watched him grind his teeth, jaw muscles bulging as he twitched his way over to a seat.

I’m glad the sniffer dogs weren’t out tonight because they would have smelt the drugs coming out of his pores.

I couldn't help but wondering if it was all really worth it.

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