1. Crying yourself to sleep
Exceptions: Your dad dies, your Ferrari gets repossessed, you have really bad menstrual cramps.
2. Fighting a buddy over a girl
Exceptions: The girl in question has you wrapped around her finger, she’s got a snappin’ gyro, or you can take him.
3. Shaving your privates
Exceptions: You’re doing a porno film or your fella likes it that way.
4. Renting Steel Magnolias
Exceptions: Sally Field is the only woman who can make you laugh and cry.
5. Arguing splitting a bill evenly
Exceptions: None. Cheap people should be ridiculed and ostracized.
6. Kicking a guy in the balls
Exceptions: You’re new in prison and fighting for your ass virginity.
7. Breaking the guy code of silence
Exceptions: Videotape evidence or 72 straight hours of listening to “Just tell the truth and it’ll be OK.”
8. Letting someone disparage a Bond film in your presence
Exceptions: They’ve saved the world from an evil, but brilliant, captain of industry on more than one occasion.
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