Thursday, September 06, 2007

inspections


Looking for a place to live at the moment is so not what I want to be doing. I’ve got assignments and exams coming out of my bum and I’m practically living at uni.

Going through other peoples houses to ‘inspect’ the premises is a funny thing. You get to invade their living quarters and poke about in their rooms as you substitute their furniture and belongings for yours in your head.

I get so curious about what people have in their cupboards. 9 times out of 10? It’s full of all the shit off their floor that they’ve stuffed into the closet to make the room look tidy.

Someone’s signed a lease at our old place at the cannery. The poor bastards. So we don’t have any more strange people coming through our place, thank god.

Our landlord was the worst for inspections. We’d get a notice to say that they’d be though between 1 and 2pm on a Saturday. So after being out of the house for that period of time I return, strip to my undies, trowing my clothes about the house, settle on the couch with what’s left of last nights cold pizza, put sisco’s ‘thong song’ on and relax.

So you can imagine my anger and surprise when the front door swings open with the landlord standing there next to a shocked young couple. I’d be stammering an explanation, covering my groin with a slice of pizza as the poor bloke covers his shocked girlfriends’ eyes.

Yeah, he’d bring people through outside the agreed times and also bring people through without any notice at all. It was hell. On top of that, the apartments a piece of shit. It’s the type of place that looks impressive the first time you see it. The 16 ft ceilings and loft bedrooms make the place look great, but in fact, are the two worst things about it.

I wanted to secretly mouth the words “get out” to the perspective tenants while the landlords back was turned. Or hold up a sign that said, ‘lofts suck – no privacy. Run!’ but then we’d be stuck with the place so I smile, turn down the music, put on some pants and bullshit about how great it is living in the cannery.

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